I read my last blog and realized that Mom was with me when I last wrote. Now she is in heaven and I can't talk directly to her anymore.
How strange that is. I didn't quite understand that concept before she passed away. Dad died 11 years ago and I didn't seem to get it. But , thinking back, I didn't call Dad like I did Mom.
Since I moved to Colorado, I could always call Mom when I was lonesome, troubled, anxious, sad, happy, or just bored. Little did I know how important that was. Little did I realize how nice it was to know someone was always home just waiting for me to call. Little did I see how I'm become dependant on that fact. Now what do I do when I need someone to call.
Its strange, you know, to realize that you have no one to call or no one to listen. Mom was sitting in here chair while the rest of us was working, going out to dinner, watching out kids do "things" , or even hanging out with friends. She was just there.
The odd thing is to figure out how to fill those minutes that she used to fill. Guess that is what folks were talking about: a VOID. How did I get as old as I am and not figure out what my friends were warning me about.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm glad Mom got to go to Heaven. I realized she would never again have the same lifestyle as before this fall. I knew she was looking at full time care or even worse: a nursing home! Nursing home was hell on earth to Mother so I decided that God gave her the ultimate Gift to let her come on up to the Big House.
Its not that I'm even sad, although I certainly have times of extreme sadness, its just that I'm surprised. So for all of you that told me of your sadness or loneliness or of the "void", accept my apology when I didn't "get it". Now I do and I'll be more sensitive and understanding from this point forward.
Love to all
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